well, yesterday i was walking to the gas station to beg for cigarettes when all of a sudden i see spanking girl walking out of some house right next to the gas station. i didn't want her to see me 'cause the only designer thing i was wearing was a notions of emotions top with the words "thoughts are things" written on the front, so i hid behind some bushes. so i watched her walk out of the house and call some person on a cellphone and cross the street and start waiting at a bus stop. i got pretty uncomfortable waiting there, especially 'cause the bushes were like right next to some recycling bins and my hands and knees were getting all cut up by glass and shit. but like eventually her bus came and she left, and i went to the gas station but it was closed. i didn't really want to go back to the apartment and tell laptop dude where i'd been all day, so i decided to knock on the door of the house spanking girl came out of, and some dude came out. i asked if a girl lived there, 'cause i'd like found some shit that belonged to a girl that lived here. when he asked how i knew this was the house she lived in, i made up some fucked up story about how this girl's brother had beat me up and stolen my stuff, but then the girl had felt sorry for me and told me to pick up my stuff at this address. the dude then asked me some questions about the girl, but i was getting cold standing there in the doorway and just yelled at him that i fucked her. then the dude got all upset, went inside, gave me a bunch of money and said that he couldn't find my stuff and shut the door in my face. i was kinda cold, but i had some money and decided to go downtown. i went to some coffee place and sat by the bar next to some crazy old dude who was talking to me about ships and stuff. i eventually spent all the money i got and was pretty hammered, and went outside to see if people would pay me to do backflips and shit. some kids said they'd give me some, so i did a half-somersault and landed on some lady's dog and fucked up my shoulder pretty bad. the kids gave me like a 100 icelandic moneys, which is like nothing, and the lady was yelling at me so i gave her the money and told her to buy a new dog before running home. on my way home i saw the guy who lived by the gas station sitting by the sea all crying and shit, so i went over and talked to him. turns out he's spanking girl's boyfriend, and has been for like a year or two. i tell him she broke my heart too and that she's a total whore, so we decide to drive to her house to yell at her and shit, only after we get in his car, i pass out. i woke up this morning in spanking girl's bed next to her and can't remember anything that happened, but when she wakes up i ask her if the guy i met was her boyfriend, and she gets all upset and yells at me and tells me to get the fuck out of the house. so i get my shit together and walk home, still not knowing what these crazy people's fucking deal is. my mission for today: find spanking girl's boyfriend and find out what the fuck is going on.

i swear i'm gonna kick somebody's ass about this shit. i came home from this shitty-ass, fuck-ass, hick-ass town in the middle of fucking nowhere, where i had been stuck since fucking november, to find my house a wreck, johnny high and a huge-ass tiger in the fucking bathroom. i threw up on the floor and pretended i didn't think johnny was a total psycho when he told me he had to mortgage the downtown apartment to pay for it. so johnny just went back into his room and invited me in to smoke a joint and listen to cody chestnutt, so i did that and then got the fuck out of there. i didn't know what to do, so i just ran, but it like started raining and i was wearing the hick-ass town girl's make-up and i didn't want to ruin it, so i like went back to the house and pretended i had ran out to get cigarettes but like didn't have any money. johnny didn't have any money, but he said we were playing some gig or some shit and we'd get some cash for that. so i stayed, but after a few days of hiding from johnny's mom and his fucking tiger, i got a little crazy and went to his neighbour's house to see if anybody cool lived there. i pretended i was johnny's brother, and the guy there was some old dude who said we looked alike and he'd seen me around, which was kind of creepy, but he gave me some herbal tea and when he went upstairs to phone his wife, i poured like a ton of grand marnier he had into the cup. it tasted kinda funny, and i figured it had probably been there for a while, but anyway, it completely fucked me up and i threw up in his laundry hamper when i couldn't find the bathroom. the guy started knocking and asking if i was alright, so i locked the door and tried to figure out a way to get out of there. the guy started getting pretty angry and shit, and i started trying to find like a screwdriver or some shit, but instead found like a bunch of pot in the pocket of this really ugly gap hoodie. the guy finally found some shit to get the door open, so i waited for him to open it and then ran past him and out the door, but i couldn't really go to johnny's house, so i hitched a ride to the downtown apartment, but there was this young dude there who was like paying johnny rent to live there or some shit, so i told him not to tell johnny i was here and went to sleep on the couch. so it looks like i'm staying here for like a while, hoping johnny doesn't find out about the neighbour or where i am.

well, friday was another disaster. i woke up in johnny's car freezing and with the worst pot hangover in like the history of civilization, but johnny was missing...i guessed he must have left to do something important. yeah. anyway, i decided to walk to the spanking girl's house even though i was only wearing this tiny chanel t-shirt and johnny's red leather pants. when i got there her mom came to the door and said she was taking her brother to preschool and then going to work and she offered to give me a ride there so i took it, but when i got to the preschool, she had left, but i had forgotten where her mom said she worked, so i asked around and found out who her brother was. at first my plan was to leave and come back and meet the girl when she came back to pick up her brother, but knowing my sense of time i had a pretty good idea how that would end. so i decided to stay and help the staff people out with the kids, and it was a fucking pain, i'll tell you that much. the kids kept yelling at me to get a haircut or asking me why i had a beard (the lady who was working there kept translating what they were saying until i told her to go jump in a septic tank). when the girl finally came, she didn't remember me at all, so i pretended to work there and walked home with her and her brother and he annoyed the fuck out of me too. he spoke english real good for some reason and kept asking if i wanted to have sex with her, so when the girl finally went into the pharmacy to pick up some stuff we waited outside and i told him everything i did to her, but some pizza guy walking past heard me and shoved me into the delivery car and kept yelling at me asking if i was a fag and i kept saying no and that i was talking about what i did with the girl and not asking her brother to do it, but he took me to a vacant lot and beat my fucking ass all over. i lay there crying for about an hour, but eventually decided enough was enough and called crazy rock star dude from last week and asked him if i could buy some acid, cause i needed to get in touch with my inner nature as a being on this planet. he said mescaline was better, but i'd never tried it, so i was kinda scared at first, but he gave me this other crazy rock star dude's number. i didn't really know how to ask him for mescaline, so i told him i was looking for a place to stay and other crazy rock star dude had recommended him. he said he was playing a concert tonight and put me on the guest list. i asked around about the address, and the concert turned out to be in another town, so this guy gave me a lift to the edge of the town where i live and i hitchhiked there with this weird stoner guy who kept laughing and telling me how cool it was that i was hitchhiking. he also told me about all the people who were gonna be smoking pot there. we finally got there an hour before the show started, so we hung out in the town (which was of course a complete shithole) and smoked a bunch of pot. the show turned out to be a reggae show, but it was really weird reggae, cause it sounded like reggae versions of pop songs, but i was so high i didn't really mind. i ended up making out with some hippie chick and drinking absynthe in the back of some local guy's car who kept telling me that this chick had been with everybody in the northwest country. eventually he threw me out for putting out a cigarette in the side of his car. i wandered into a party where i met some kids that were gonna stay up all night in a barn smoking hash, but i told them i was friends with the singer and he was gonna give me some mescaline, but i couldn't find him anywhere, and ended up walking with the kids to the barn and falling asleep thinking of the girl from last week and if she really didn't remember me. i dreamt about her too, and woke up the next day determined to find out who she was, but i was stuck in this shithole town. one of the girls from the party said she was going to my town in a few days, so she let me stay with her until. and i gotta tell you, it is REALLY FUCKING HARD not to have sex with her. just keep it together, seth...

oh god, these fucking parties...friday night i went to a store opening and some arty cunt was all like, hey check out my fucking clothes and shit, but i got all drunk and smoked a joint with some red-haired girl after we fucked in the changing room, and the next day i woke up in johnny's bed covered in something sticky and vaguely orange-colored. johnny told me i had completely lost control and started calling everyone names that people used to call me in high school...he says frankenfucker was his personal favorite. i was so incredibly hung over that day that i didn't really want to do anything except stay inside, eat marshmallows and watch movies, so johnny went to the video rental and got xanadu, grease 2 and some weird space movie with dennis hopper and charles dance that had robots with nutsacks in it. eventually, johnny really wanted to get drunk, so he opened a bottle of veuve and drank the whole thing and started crying and telling me about his girlfriend in preschool or some shit like that. i totally couldn't handle it and ran outside when he went to the attic to smoke a joint. i ended up at some party not far from where we live and this metro guy kept coming on to me and saying he was gonna put me in his short film. i kept telling him i wasn't interested, but he would not take a fucking hint, the fucker, so i took him to the bathroom and tried to suck his dick, but he couldn't even get it up, so i smacked him in the face and poured his beer down his pants and left. i started talking to this girl outside who was apparently waiting for a cab, and i gotta say i really, really liked her. i mean she was smart, pretty and she had this way about her...this thing she did when she was trying to pretend she wasn't drunk...she would tilt her head back and rest it on her shoulders, close her eyes and look straight at me and open them again. so i shared the cab and went to her house, which was this really ugly bungalow-type thingy by the seaside opposite from the part of town where we live. i was really tired and still kinda hung over, so i tried to go to sleep on the floor, but the girl's really drunk, so she's trying to make out with me and i end up taking off all her clothes and desperately trying to finger her, but it's not working and she's begging me to spank her, so i'm like, whatever the fuck, and i really like this girl, so i did it, but i didn't fuck her. that can wait. i'm going to leave this girl's house now before she wakes up without finding out her name or her number, and if i see her again, it's destiny: we were meant to be.

oh, well, i guess things could have turned out worse. i was caught shoplifting razors and skincream at the pharmacy and this totally bitchy lady pharmacist started chewing me out, so i lit a cigarette and just blew smoke in her face the whole time. then this weird chubby guy saw me and he asked if he could take my picture, so i said yeah, sure, but he'd have to call my agent if he wanted to publish them or put them on the internet, and also he'd have to pay for the shit i stole. he took pictures of me posing and i asked if he'd like to take some pictures of me while eating (i was fucking starving), and he said sure, but later, so i gave him my number. after he left, i followed him and pretended to bump into him by accident at circus. i ended up going to his apartment and trying on some gucci, dead and naked monkey stuff he just bought. i tried to make a run for it while he was in the bathroom, but when i got out i realized i had dropped my chanel shades in his stairs, so i ran back but he caught me and started crying and yelling and saying he was gonna get two of his friends to rape me, which was totally not cool, so i threw my skincream jar at him and ran to the bar that's called like a number or something, 22 or 25 i think. i got lucky when i went to the bathroom and discovered the guy's wallet in the pair of guccis i stole. it had about 10 000 icelandic moneys in it, so i bought some cosmopolitans and one of those weird bacardi things you can buy in a small bottle and got pretty hammered. eventually i got thrown out for offering to massage the barwoman's tits and sat outside smoking when i ran into some guy who started talking to me about his band, which was called palindrome, so i tell him i used to be in a band called palindrome, and he says no shit and offers me a joint which we share. i pass out in an alley, but wake up when johnny starts shaking me and he's all covered in blood and saying that some black guy stabbed him for having sex with his girlfriend in the bathroom of the cafe next to hotel borg. he isn't hurt so bad, though, so we walk back to my place and pass out. all's well that ends well, i guess.

feeling pretty refreshed, considering i'm just as fucked as i was yesterday...i went back to the house i got kicked out of and found the cointreau bottle lying in the garden with some very crusty cointreau residue on the bottom, so i broke the bottle open and snorted the residue...i don't really remember anything until i'm at this school on some kind of medical table and i'm crying and covered in piss and blood and there's this girl in a wheelchair sitting in the room with me telling me i'm gonna be ok. then some teacher comes in and asks me where i live, and i try to say my address, but my icelandic is too fucked up. i end up talking to the wheelchair girl for a while, and ride the retard bus back to her house and she gives me a bunch of weird clothes to put on. i watch tv while she does her homework and try to find something to drink in her kitchen, but all there is is pop, milk and sleeping pills, so i take some and fall asleep with a cigarette on the couch. i wake up and the girl is yelling at me for smoking inside and using my cup for an ashtray, but after talking for a while she lets me come into her room and we start talking and she starts sucking my dick. when i ask if i can fuck her, she won't let me, so i say please and pretend to come and try to give her some sleeping tablets so i can fuck her, but that doesn't work so i say please again and she won't let me, so i pour milk into the ashtray cup and throw it in her face and run outside and realize i'm not far from that fat guy's stripclub, so i go there and end up sucking his dick for some coke. so i got coke and i got to sleep in his office and now i'm using his computer to write this and i think he's fucking one of the strippers in the next room and i'm gonna go watch, so see y'all later. still haven't heard from johnny, though.

i'm writing this at some shitty-ass internet place downtown sitting next to a bunch of lame goth kids, so bear with me if i sound a little impatient. i got locked out of my apartment and wandered around downtown until i found an unlocked house and walked into the middle of some crazy birthday party with all these fourteen year old kids drinking pop and watching some shitty movie with dennis quaid. i decide i need a place to stay until johnny wants to talk to me again (he has the other key), so i start talking to the birthday boy and give him some E. later, we go to his band's rehearsal space and he starts trying to suck my dick, but he's not doing it very well, so i roll him a joint before leaving and walking to that real expensive pizza place in downtown. there was this couple kissing there, and that guy's blowjob didn't really hit the spot, so i start jerking off while watching them. then some guy who's supposedly in a band comes walking down the street with some girls and starts laughing at me, but then he gives me a cigarette and starts jerking off with me. eventually, we go back to the boy's rehearsal space, but the boy isn't there, so we smoke the joint and talk about the guy's music. i ask him if he played at the festival thingy, but he says he was going to, but cancelled at like the last minute or some shit. at that point, i just wanted to go back to the boy's house and sleep, but i couldn't get rid of that fucking guy, so i let him follow me to the boy's house. we had to break in again, which really pissed me off because i cut myself pretty bad and got blood all over the D&G shirt i was wearing. the boy was passed out in his bed, so me and the band guy took turns fucking him before falling asleep. next thing i know, the boy's mom comes in and is thretening to call the police and i'm totally freaking out, but the band guy manages to convince her we're in his band and needed a place to stay because we're getting evicted. she turns out to be pretty cool and even gives us like 20 000 icelandic moneys (which is like, 300 bucks, i guess). we stay up watching satellite tv and get her drunk on the cointreau we find in the kitchen and she has sex with the band guy, but i'm too wasted, so i just jerk off and cum in her mouth before passing out. the next day, i wake up in a garden somewhere and the band guy has taken all my money and all my coke and left me in a backyard on the other side of town. so here i am, stuck in some shitty internet cafe with a bloody t-shirt, cum all over my pants, a really bad hangover and no coke to cure it, and no fucking keys either. johnny, where are you when i need you?