oh god, these fucking parties...friday night i went to a store opening and some arty cunt was all like, hey check out my fucking clothes and shit, but i got all drunk and smoked a joint with some red-haired girl after we fucked in the changing room, and the next day i woke up in johnny's bed covered in something sticky and vaguely orange-colored. johnny told me i had completely lost control and started calling everyone names that people used to call me in high school...he says frankenfucker was his personal favorite. i was so incredibly hung over that day that i didn't really want to do anything except stay inside, eat marshmallows and watch movies, so johnny went to the video rental and got xanadu, grease 2 and some weird space movie with dennis hopper and charles dance that had robots with nutsacks in it. eventually, johnny really wanted to get drunk, so he opened a bottle of veuve and drank the whole thing and started crying and telling me about his girlfriend in preschool or some shit like that. i totally couldn't handle it and ran outside when he went to the attic to smoke a joint. i ended up at some party not far from where we live and this metro guy kept coming on to me and saying he was gonna put me in his short film. i kept telling him i wasn't interested, but he would not take a fucking hint, the fucker, so i took him to the bathroom and tried to suck his dick, but he couldn't even get it up, so i smacked him in the face and poured his beer down his pants and left. i started talking to this girl outside who was apparently waiting for a cab, and i gotta say i really, really liked her. i mean she was smart, pretty and she had this way about her...this thing she did when she was trying to pretend she wasn't drunk...she would tilt her head back and rest it on her shoulders, close her eyes and look straight at me and open them again. so i shared the cab and went to her house, which was this really ugly bungalow-type thingy by the seaside opposite from the part of town where we live. i was really tired and still kinda hung over, so i tried to go to sleep on the floor, but the girl's really drunk, so she's trying to make out with me and i end up taking off all her clothes and desperately trying to finger her, but it's not working and she's begging me to spank her, so i'm like, whatever the fuck, and i really like this girl, so i did it, but i didn't fuck her. that can wait. i'm going to leave this girl's house now before she wakes up without finding out her name or her number, and if i see her again, it's destiny: we were meant to be.